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Published in Daily Hampshire Gazette, Thursday, November 13, 2014
I drifted off to sleep last night after reading Bruce Watson’s Slice of Life piece in Hampshire Life, called “To Sleep, Perchance to dream on …” and wouldn’t you know it, I, too, had the strangest dream. I was at the Kentucky Derby attending the wedding of Lance Armstrong and Bill O’Reilly. Presiding over the ceremony was the Rev. Newt Gingrich himself, standing proudly, only in his underwear! Just as the happy couple was about to seal the deal with a kiss, Bruce Watson appeared, his arm around a smiling flight attendant, and he addressed the crowd of partiers with this astounding message: “Following a massive grassroots campaign across the many towns and cities of Western Massachusetts, I am pleased to announce that 100 percent of homes across the Happy Valley have completed their free home energy audits and have made the suggested energy adjustments using 0% loans available through the State of Massachusetts. As a result of the tremendous energy savings, I herby declare that there is no longer any justification for the Kinder Morgan pipeline to wreak havoc throughout Massachusetts.”
I woke up with a start, just as William Faulkner and I were out hiking together somewhere in northern Massachusetts, arm in arm, in our underwear, with a camera crew and Wolf Blitzer at our heels.